Your Questions: Righting a wrong?

The Question:

I’m probably just shooting myself in the foot by even putting anything on here but desparate times call for desparate measures. I’m wondering what your suggestion would be for someone to make right (or at least try to) someone they have done wrong with and in turn is really resulting in myself being the one hurt two-fold. I could easily just drop everything and continue to receive the battery of computer hacking, reminders of my past, recent pictures that are disturbing to see based on my feelings of love that remain unresolved, and the list continues. I’m almost 100% sure who is leading the pack in doing this as the information provided is very detailed at this point and quite painful. The person I believe behind it will not return any phone calls or emails of recent and to tell you the truth I’m not even sure at this time he’s getting all what I send. In any event pls don’t suggest I go to the authorities as I could never do that and I refuse to throw any mud back at this point. I have reacted to some blog postings in the past when I triggered but have taken a stance more recently to avoid it as I don’t want to be that person or at least that person anymore. At this point I’m reallly trying to grasp on to someone or something that can understand where I’m at, not pass judgement and also get me through this. It’s one thing to affect me on a personal level, but it’s clearly affecting my work both with my productivity from a mindset point and also from the fact that my computer is infected and IT continues to struggle with it. Partly because I don’t reveal all I know for fear that it would put them on the route to a full discovery and again that’s not what I want for those behind this. I believe now more than ever that people can change and do make mistakes. True forgiveness comes when their behaviour of past ceases to continue and improves. For my part I am seaking counselling finally. There are some courses that I think would be important to take as well, but again have discovered that the source of those courses is the person behind the attack as well. What to do? I have little access to any type of information as in addition to my computers being hacked so has my phone. I know it sounds a bit cloak and dagger like but rest assured i’m living Alias. I do live in a large metropolitan area where there are a number of resources but again I can not locate anything as my every move in what I think is the right direction turns out to be a joke or prank at my cost. I most of all want this person(s) to be assured that I am sorry for my wrong doings as I know them to be extremely talented and worthy of greater things than this. But how long does a person wait when they are trying to seek help but are being blindsided at every turn. Admittedly it’s hard for me not remain concerned for this person and would love nothing more than a face-to-face to air things out and ensure myself of their safety and determine what I’ve been fed is either real or not simply for my own clarification. I do love this person immensely and unfortunately probably moreso now than ever before having realized my own wrongdoings and finally taking some direction in the hopes that my internal goals, values and aspirations can be realized. If you or another person who may read this posting can provide me with some clear, honest geniune help it would be greatly appreciated. I’m sure if you don’t want to post a reply here you can figure out how to contact me directly. But again I won’t be able to accept any assistance from any sort of coded reply or not knowing the source. That has simply turned out to 100% waste of my time so far in this struggle to right the wrong and recover from what are real losses…..not material, but the loss of those we love most and ourselves someone along the line.

-Lkg4thelight

The Answer!

I agree that people do have the capacity to change. It’s a wonderful thing when they change for the better. Keep in mind however that change is not something people do well. It takes a lot of work, dedication, and willpower to effect a change in thoughts or behaviors. A lot of people just aren’t motivated enough to truly change their patterns of behavior. You sound like you have already made that change. The other person however has not. Until they mature I doubt anything you do could help mend the situation. Until they are receptive to change it is useless for you to try and mend the situation.

My best recommendation would be for you to remove yourself from the situation as much as possible. It can be easy to allow others to put you down. Make the decision now to stand up for yourself. Get your computer fixed; change your number or even your phone if you must. You both have made mistakes in the past. Those mistakes have come and gone. The other people involved are not receptive to change and there is nothing that can be done about those mistakes at this point. Leave those mistakes in the past and focus on your future. Make a promise to yourself that you won’t allow anyone to treat you badly anymore. You are unique and special. Anyone that doesn’t’ see that is not worth being around.

I know you care deeply for this person but the sad truth is that some relationships just don’t work, no matter how much we want them too. Feelings of loss, regret, sadness, will fade with time. That amount of time is different for everyone. I know it’s difficult but it’s important to let go and move on. There is someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are and will treat you right. Take some time to heal emotionally and then go out and enjoy your life.

It’s fantastic that you’re seeking counseling! Your councilor should be able to provide you with lots of resources in your area. I’m assuming that you will be meeting with them on a regular schedule which would be great. This will allow them to acquire a more complete understanding of your situation and help you make educated decisions on how to better your situation.

P.S. Are you located in the Los Angeles area? If so I should be able to clean up any computer viruses, key loggers, spyware, etc that are on your computer. I can also offer you advice to make sure your computer doesn’t get infected a second time.  If you’re not located near me then there are many other computer repair places that should be able to do the job within a reasonable amount of time.

As always, I wish you the best in all that you do. I hope you find peace in this situation and emerge from it an even stronger person Thanks for contributing to the site! Hopefully some day it will grow and be able to reach many more people!

-Eric